Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
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I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.