I love black thongs
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Congratulations! We have a period
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
