I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
MIDGETS
????
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
