hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
