The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
