you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
