How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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