My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize