She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
