Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
