Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize