I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize