I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
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