you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
