East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
