That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Randomize
