do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
