So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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