We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
