How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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