My nipple is on Facebook.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
