You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
