It's Friday. Sex?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
