oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize