I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
