alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
