I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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