my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She announced her abortion via fbk
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
