go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
