did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
