The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Your topless pictures make me question reality
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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