She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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