I hope mine doesn't look like that
he shaved USA in his pubs
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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