Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
