I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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