my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
His nipple licking is glorious
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