Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
