So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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