We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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