Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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