Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
