felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
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six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
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I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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