so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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