Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
