that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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