Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
