I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
