So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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