Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize