Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
