just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
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I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
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All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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