I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
