my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
