O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
