my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
