we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
