Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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