RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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