I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
