You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
