$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So much rum. So many feels.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
