May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
