If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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