I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Everyone says I win the strip club
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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