he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
