I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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