I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I need a burrito and a hug.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
