Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
