i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
