you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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