he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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