I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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