my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I am mentally ready for anal.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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