some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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