He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
