Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
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He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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