I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
