Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
