I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
