I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
