he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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