Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
