I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Life is so much better after having sex.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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