The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
she smelled like a LAN party
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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